The anti-thesis of “Door”. 45 is a reference to the hand gun. Originally titled “Daddy’s Gun”. My father got sick when I was very young. The whole situation resulted into 10 plus years of fighting the disease and fighting the effect of the situation had on my family, and on myself. Here I try to convey the seductive power depression had over me those years. I can understand how one can find a sort of pleasure in the thought of having no more thoughts. The first verse “Daddy’s gonna buy me a 45…” is to show how this was the beginning. The first trauma trying to bring me down. The second verse “Whiskey always said it’s gunna treat me right…” is to the convey all other subsequent trauma and substances that were used in response.  Too heavy? Too dark? Have I said too much? Truth about these thoughts, and all other thoughts I have, is that they are all over me always. If I refrained from telling you I’d just be hiding the obvious.